The RB40 Sandwich Part 1

Hey Everyone! I hope you are doing well. Life keeps changing, and we all have to adapt. It’s a pain in the butt, isn’t it? Mrs. RB40 is back in California for a few days to visit her parents. Her dad had a minor medical emergency, and he was sent to the ER by his neighbors. He is at a rehab facility now. He should be there for about 20 days. Mrs. RB40 is trying to move him into an assisted living facility afterward. This is much sooner than any of us anticipated.

On her last trip, Mrs. RB40 worked with Visiting Angels to set up home healthcare assistance. We hoped that would be okay for 3 years, but we were too optimistic. Unfortunately, her dad needed more help than we expected. He was improving when Mrs. RB40 was there to cook and help out around the house. However, he didn’t take care of himself very well after she came back to Portland. One shift of aid workers wasn’t enough. The neighbors had to go over almost every night to help him get to bed. He also didn’t eat properly and got constipated enough to go to the hospital. He probably got UTI as well, based on the elevated white blood cell count in the urine. It seems he can’t live by himself at home anymore. The situation is untenable.

Mrs. RB40 is in California for 10 days on this trip. She’ll have to come home because she has a medical appointment in Portland in December. Then she’ll go back to California for 6 weeks to help her dad settle into a nursing home. She’ll have to take over his house and various interests. It’s a lot of work. I guess it’s good she retired earlier this year. She wouldn’t have been able to do any of this if she were still working. Fortunately, her mom is relatively healthy and doesn’t need a ton of help right now. Her parents are divorced. They live in the same town, but in a different home.

My dad

On my side, my dad had developed some health issues as well. Recently, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and we are trying to figure out what to do next. He is getting all sorts of scans. Next, he’ll have to decide whether to get surgery and/or radiation treatment. Surgery will likely cause urinary incontinence and ED (erectile dysfuction.) I think he prefers to only do the radiation treatment. I guess that’s a good option at 80.

Also, my dad is starting to have more mobility problems. His left leg gets weak sometimes. We are not really sure why this is happening. He fell a couple of times, and he has to be a lot more careful now. I told him to use a cane and install grab bars in the bathroom, but he didn’t listen. Why are old people so stubborn? Fortunately, this problem seems to have improved. He can walk better now. He has gout, and it occasionally flares up. This is a different problem. Mobility is a huge deal. If you can’t get around, it becomes significantly harder to exercise. Exercise is a big deal when you’re older.

I’m somewhat worried about my dad. He is healthy for an 80-year-old, but you never know what’s around the corner. This is why I plan to spend a lot more time in Thailand after RB40 goes off to college. But that’s 4 years away. For now, RB40Jr needs us during his crucial teenage years. He is so busy with school and various activities. I need to be here during the school year to shuttle him around. And for emotional support, of course. Our parents also need us more and more every year as their health deteriorates. It’s a big dilemma for the sandwich generation.

Anyway, I plan to spend 6 weeks in Thailand next summer. I’ll see what I can do to help. My dad doesn’t want to go to an assisted living facility. He’s too independent and too frugal for that. Maybe I can find a home aid service to help out. He probably doesn’t want to pay for that either. It’s frustrating dealing with ageing parents.

*My mom passed away in 2023. My dad took care of her, and she never went to a nursing home. We were about to send her to a nursing home, but she was hospitalized and never recovered.

Alright, let’s enjoy life while we can, right? We’ll all be old before we know it. Have a great week.

Image by the AI overlord.

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Joe started Retire by 40 in 2010 to figure out how to retire early. After 16 years of investing and saving, he achieved financial independence and retired at 38.

Joe recommends Empower for DIY investors. They have many useful tools that will help you reach financial independence.