I Want to Talk About Shopping Addiction (Again)

When I wrote Bye Now, Amazon, one Redditor pointed out that blaming Amazon for my shopping problem was like an alcoholic blaming the bar.

Ouch.

What that comment didn’t account for was how complicated money can be, especially when it’s tied to who you think you should become. But I’m not embarrassed to admit it, and I think it should be talked about more: I was bad with money before I found YNAB. The truth is I had a shopping problem.

Money is layered and messy. Net worth gets tangled up with self-worth faster than we like to admit. And when you grow up absorbing the message that money equals success, it’s incredibly easy to use spending as a shortcut to feeling okay—especially when you’re chasing a version of yourself you think you’re supposed to become. 

Nobody was born good with money, but we were all born with the need to belong.

Net worth gets tangled up with self-worth faster than we like to admit.

How money becomes a measure for self-worth

I grew up in a farmville area of North Idaho, obsessed with fashion from my dress-up years. I dreamt of becoming a classy magazine editor in London, complete with a perfectly-Bridgerton accent and an Industry wardrobe I didn’t have. 

As a teenager, clothing was how I imagined my future. I had Vogue cutouts taped up in my room with very convincing copywriting that read, “I know I already have a gray skirt, but this one is different,” and “Whoever says money doesn’t buy happiness just doesn’t know where to shop.” 

Whether it was intentional or not, and although I had incredible parents who said otherwise, I learned that the right clothes meant success. And success meant you were enough. 

Clothes, of course, cost money.

In my college years, clothes were my social outlet. I’d spend Saturdays shopping with my new SoCal friends, some of whom had monthly allowances larger than my monthly salary. We’d ride there in a Mercedes, a birthday gift from an aunt who was, genuinely, a princess of Taiwan. I was working my way through school, trying to belong in a world that moved faster and spent more freely than I could.

In my twenties, shopping helped me blend into the fast-paced ad world of LA. In my high heels, I could look like I was doing well even when I didn’t feel that way. When I was quietly miserable in a place I didn’t want to be, the right outfit helped me play the part.

In my thirties, shopping became something else. I had moved away from my SoCal friends back to, well, no friends in Idaho, and felt deeply alone. Wandering stores gave me a sense of belonging—the hum of people, the color, the feeling that everyone around me was a little happier. Spending money wasn’t really about the things, although shiny objects do help for a moment. It was about escape. 

And that’s the part I want to name clearly: it’s incredibly easy to spend money to manage feelings.

How YNAB helps break the spend–track–regret cycle

My relationship with money improved once I stopped spending first and reckoning later, and started being hands-on instead. The YNAB method helped rewire my relationship with money by focusing just on the money I actually had. (Not the money I wished to have or projected I’d make in the near future!)

YNAB helped me slow things down and break the spend-track-regret cycle. Giving every dollar a job let me make decisions about my money ahead of time—when I was calm, clear, and not standing under fluorescent lights convincing myself a sweater was a personality upgrade.

For the first time, I could see all my money at once and decide what it was for. Bills and savings, yes, but also the fun stuff. Clothes. Thrifting. The occasional “this garden gnome was meant to come home with me” purchase. When spending had a place in the plan, it felt normal and allowed. When it didn’t, I understood why.

That clarity changed my relationship with money. Spending stopped being my go-to way to manage feelings and became something I chose on purpose. My plan accounted for real life, from the emotions to the off days to the things I genuinely care about.

YNAB gave me a way to move through money decisions with intention instead of impulse. And that’s what getting good with money has felt like ever since.

How to stop using shopping as a measure of success

Getting good with money didn’t mean I stopped liking clothes or shopping. It meant I stopped letting my emotions make the decisions.

I started letting my plan inform my spending instead.

For me, that meant some huge changes in money mindset:

1. First, working only with the money you have, assign every single dollar a job. This is easier with the YNAB app like Sarah shows here, but you can even start with a good ol’ pen and paper.

2. Let your plan make the decision, not your emotions.
When I feel the urge to buy something, I don’t ask, “Do I want this?” I ask, “Did I already decide this was important?” My plan becomes a pause button between the feeling and the purchase. That space alone has saved me from hundreds of “this will definitely fix everything” moments.

2. Make room for shopping on purpose.
Pretending you’ll never want to shop again is a great way to end up shopping impulsively. I actually include a shopping category in my plan, which means I get to spend without guilt when the money is there. When it’s planned, shopping stops feeling rebellious and starts feeling intentional.

3. Pause before the purchase.
If you hover over a Buy Now button and your pulse quickens, take that as a sign to pause. Waiting isn’t punishment—it’s information. Giving myself even a little time between the urge and the checkout page helps me figure out what’s really going on. If I still want the item after the feeling has passed and the money is there, it’s probably a real want. If not, that urge was about something else. 

4. Don’t pay full price unless it’s part of the plan.
Paying full price is a deliberate choice now, not a default. If something is worth full price to me, I decide that ahead of time and make space for it in my plan. Otherwise, I wait, look for a deal, or let it go—because urgency is usually the emotion talking, not the value.

5. Choose quality over quantity.
I used to buy more because I was chasing a feeling or a hypothetical version of myself. (Despite what the blazers in my closet suggest, my role as Editor-in-Chief of British Vogue never did materialize.) Now I buy fewer things I truly love, and I actually use them. Spending less often, but more intentionally, has been far more satisfying than constant small purchases ever were.

6. Thrift instead of defaulting to “new.”
For me, thrifting and estate-sale-ing* scratch the same itch for novelty without the same financial hangover. It turns shopping into a hunt instead of a reflex. And it gives me time to think while I browse, which turns out to be half the magic.

*Estate-sale-ing (noun)
/esˈtāt sā-liŋ/
A highly strategic, lightly athletic competition involving early alarms, neighborhood navigation, and the ability to spot a sterling silver gravy boat from 40 yards.

7. Let assigning money replace the dopamine hit.
This one surprised me the most. I get genuine satisfaction from assigning money to categories in my plan. The same little spark I used to get from clicking “buy now!” The difference is that afterward, the money is still there, quietly doing its job.

This is something tracking-based apps never gave me. With YNAB, shopping wasn’t automatically labeled “bad.” When it was in the plan, I could spend without guilt. And just as surprisingly, I started getting the same satisfaction from assigning money to categories as I used to get from spending it.

That shift from reacting to deciding made all the difference.

As the Budget Nerds say: “You are not alone!”

One of the things I love most about the YNAB community is how quickly you realize you’re not alone. One of the first YNAB blog posts that really stuck with me was Lindsey writing about recreational TJ Maxx visits as a salve for hard times. That recognition—that this is a thing people do—was huge.

Being bad with money isn’t a moral failing. It’s a skill gap, and (lucky for me! lucky for you!) skills can be learned.

Long-time YNABer Frances M. described this perfectly:

With the YNAB system of categories and how the money was set aside for the credit card, I was able to completely solve my spending problem, because I could see how each spending choice tied into the whole financial picture.

What surprised her most was that assigning money to categories in her YNAB plan gave her the same dopamine hit she used to get from spending it.

I got the same pleasurable spike… but none of the costs. After I was done having my fun, the money was still all there.

Audrey N. experienced something similar, but on the saving side. She realized she didn’t actually get joy from spending but from saving for memory-making. 

Material possessions do not bring me happiness, but saving for meaningful experiences does. I recently set a goal to pleasantly surprise a family member by providing financial assistance for their upcoming move across the country. To achieve this, I carefully assessed the expenses involved and created a [YNAB spending plan] based on that amount.
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After setting my [YNAB plan], I turned it into a game, constantly seeking the best deals. I would come across lower hotel prices for the same accommodations every week. It was an exciting challenge for me to find ways to save even more. I eagerly look forward to taking the money I saved in that category and reallocating the surplus to my next act of kindness in my wish farm category.

Overall, the process of saving for meaningful experiences and finding ways to optimize my expenses has brought me immense joy and satisfaction.

That joy? That’s getting good with money. Not restriction. Not deprivation. Not living on rice and beans, thank goodness. The YNAB journey is all about alignment, my friend.

How to shop intentionally without money worry

Getting good with money doesn’t mean you never want things or never buy things. It means you stop using money to prove something about yourself.

You learn how to make a plan that accounts for all of it: the fun, the frills, the feelings, the future, and the stuff life throws at you. And once you have that clarity, spending stops being a coping mechanism and starts being a choice.

As for little Emily? I look back on those magazine cutouts now as a girl who was doing her best to imagine a bigger life for herself. She was chasing belonging, possibility, and the feeling that she might one day be enough.  

So I’m going to say it again for the people in the back: you were born enough.

You don’t have to feel ashamed for how you spent money in the past. You just have to know that it can feel different going forward. 

If your net-worth has ever felt tangled up with your self-worth, YNAB can help you get clear. Get YNAB, get good with money, and never worry about money again.