A Spendful Move: Sarah’s Story

This apartment felt so luxurious six years ago.

We moved in when we were 23—I was a server at a restaurant, and my partner was a full-time master’s student. It has a backyard, is on a quiet residential street surrounded by beautiful parks, and is within walking distance of some of the best restaurants in our city. 

I remember coming to the open house with awe and wonder, then going out to dinner afterward and talking ourselves down from how much we loved it. “Did you see all those grown-ups? There’s no way we’re going to get this place.” But, we did. And for a while, it was perfect.

When our apartment became our office

And then, 2020 happened. I was unemployed because of the lock-downs, and my partner was working from home. All of a sudden, our beautiful and spacious one-bedroom apartment felt awfully claustrophobic. (If you know, you know.)

When I was hired at YNAB, we were both working from home. We did that for three years until my partner got a job out of the house. Now I work from home alone, and it feels unbelievable to me that we made it work for so long. 

We made it work because we love our neighborhood, our dreamy backyard, the charming park across the street. But we really loved the fact that it was rent-controlled.

Weighing the “smart” financial choice

Most personal finance advice would tell us to stay in this apartment as long as possible because of how much it allowed us to save. Even though my mental health was starting to be impacted by working in such a small space. Even though we’re ready for a change, for something new after being in one place for so long. Even though our careers, incomes, and priorities have changed drastically since we were 23.

We’ve been seriously considering moving for about six months. I knew we’d leave this apartment eventually, and I assumed because of how I think about money, it would feel easy. Of course it makes sense to prioritize our living space! Spending more isn’t bad! It’s all about your priorities! Which is why the guilt and shame I felt about this decision caught me completely off guard.

Grappling with guilt

I found myself white-knuckling through, doing my best to convince myself how I was feeling wasn’t that bad and I could last here a bit longer.

I felt like we were doing something irresponsible by increasing our housing costs, even though I could see (thanks to YNAB) that we had space in our plan for the change. I loaded on some extra guilt because I’m the one who really feels the need to move, and my partner could stay here happily for another year. This was one of the many moments I was grateful that my partner and I have always talked openly about money, so we could navigate this as a team. Still, it all felt heavy and emotionally draining. 

When I contemplated going through with moving, I was struck by a strong gut reaction to restrict all of our other spending, even the things that bring us joy. I was focused on how I thought we “should” spend our money, and not on what really mattered to us.

Putting spendfulness into practice

I’ve been thinking about spendfulness—aligning your spending with what matters to you—every step of this process, and it’s given me a new lens to process my feelings both alone and in my partnership. 

I’ve practiced spendfulness by bringing awareness to how I’ve been feeling and turning towards it instead of away. I’ve used our spending plan to ground me in reality and experiment with what our costs might look like after the move. We took the time to reflect on our current spending priorities, and if those lined up with the life we want to live.

What I learned is this: I don’t value staying in a space that’s impacting my well-being just so I can say: “Look how much I’m struggling so we can invest more every month! Aren’t I really smart with money? Aren’t I doing a really good job?”

How you spend your money is how you spend your life. It should make you feel good, not guilty.

A new guilt-free chapter 

We signed a lease this past weekend for our dream apartment. While we’ll miss the parks near our current place, our new deck looks out over a gorgeous new one. I’m going to have an office and craft space on a separate floor (with a skylight!), and the apartment is full of refreshing natural light.

An era of joyful spending

It feels like the most spendful decision I’ve ever made. Not because it was easy, but because it wasn’t.

I had to confront some deep-seated views on money I didn’t even realize I’d internalized. Because we’re not punishing ourselves for spending more on rent by axing our travel plans, and I’m certainly not restricting my yarn and fabric spending. I still have moments of feeling like I “should” spend less on those things, but I’m much clearer now on my values, which don’t include spending less joyfully. 

The important things to us are sticking around, and the things that aren’t are getting cleared out to make space for this new priority.

Looking ahead

I couldn’t be more excited for this new phase, where I get to stop obsessively looking at apartment listings and start obsessively searching Facebook Marketplace for furniture. 

I’m sure moving day will have its fair share of tears, but I’m so thankful that YNAB’s approach to spendfulness has given me a framework to process my money feelings, make a new plan, and set ourselves up for a beautiful new chapter.

Are you ready to spend in alignment with the life you want to live? Start your YNAB trial now—it’s free for 34 days.

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