Retirement Curveballs: When Family Needs Come First

When you picture retirement, maybe you imagine traveling the world, relaxing on a beach, or playing pickle ball with friends. It feels like the season of stability. No office politics. Kids are grown. Your biggest worry is what to do about the wilting gardenias. Morning coffee is enjoyed at a slower pace, whilst scanning Mediterranean cruise brochures. 

…Or not. 

In reality, of course, stability is temporary. Like every other season of life, retirement is a season of curveballs. And one of the more under-appreciated retirement curveballs is being called upon to care for a family member in need.

This responsibility can take many forms: Maybe you have an aging parent who’s still independent but beginning to show signs that they’re no longer able to safely manage their own finances. Maybe an adult child asks to move back in with you, or you need to care for a grandchild in their parent’s absence—or even a sibling’s child. Nobody likes to think about these things, but they happen all the time.

It happened to YNABer Courtney:

During the first year of Covid, my parents confessed they were no longer able to care for my autistic sister. We moved homes, moved my sister from Maryland to Georgia, and set her up with a local day program for disabled adults part-time while we wait for state aid… all on one income.

Sometimes retirement isn’t about what you need—it’s about who needs you. 

Life transitions, retirement included, rarely unfold the way we imagine. And when your journey takes an unexpected turn, having a flexible spending plan makes all the difference.

That’s why YNAB is built for flexibility: there’s always a “personal” in personal finance. Having an aging parent, adult kids who need help with their expenses, additional childcare responsibilities, or a sibling move in with you is going to change your financial plan in huge ways. At the same time, it’s going to raise some tough questions that aren’t primarily financial. 

Here are seven principles to keep in mind if you find that your retirement now includes planning beyond yourself or yourself and a partner:

1. Make retirement an ongoing conversation. When loved ones are involved, we’re not talking about a fixed-cost financial obligation like a new roof. We’re talking about human math! The kind that takes care and feelings into consideration.
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   You’ll be asking questions like, “How can we support you in a way that works best for all of us?” That’s not a one-time talk. To voice and protect your own needs and wants, this conversation will happen again and again, and the circumstances will change over time. What worked yesterday won’t necessarily work today.

Navigate change with ease by asking yourself these 20 money questions after a big life change.

2. Everyone needs autonomy. Nobody likes feeling controlled. If you’re helping out a parent, sibling, child, or anyone else, controlling all of their spending isn’t going to be the best way to help. That’s obvious, right? But you will almost certainly be controlling some of their spending. Finding the right balance isn’t easy, but it is part of that ongoing “How can we best help?” conversation.

   One practical way to strike that balance is by getting good with money together. YNAB Together lets your loved one can set up their own plan, giving them autonomy while still allowing you to collaborate and keep an eye on things. It’s a shared approach that supports both independence and teamwork. (And you can invite up to five loved ones without paying a cent more for your subscription).

3. Run the numbers together. How much assistance can you realistically provide? It’s a tough question, but answering it gives you a strong foundation to support loved ones without sidelining your own retirement goals.

   Your YNAB plan can help answer that question by allowing you to simulate scenarios. Create a Family Support category, set a target, and fund it even before you need it.

When running scenarios, you can use YNAB to easily answer the question, “Can I afford this?”

4. Clarify roles and responsibilities.
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   If you’re sharing expenses with a relative, decide upfront who’s covering what—groceries, utilities, medical bills, or extras. Talk through non-financial contributions, too: who drives to appointments, who manages paperwork, who helps around the house. Writing it down or creating a shared checklist can keep expectations clear.

   Most importantly, revisit the plan regularly, because needs (and abilities) can change over time. These conversations may feel awkward, but they can prevent misunderstandings, resentment, and unnecessary stress.

5. Plan for emotional spending.
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   When life is stressful, being able to spring for takeout when you need it—without regret or second-guessing—becomes a necessity, not a luxury. And since it’s hard to predict in advance what kind of emotional spending you’ll need when, tuck a little money away each month into an Emotional Spending, Date Night, or Self Care category. You’ll be glad it’s there.‍

Big financial change in retirement? Try a YNAB Template and take out all the guesswork.

6. Your own financial stability is still important. You love your family and you want to be generous. But it isn’t truly helpful to spread yourself so thin that your own finances are in jeopardy—or even so thin that you can’t be fully present with them without focusing on financial worries. That’s not selfish; it’s part of setting healthy boundaries.

   This is a very difficult balance to find, and asking yourself YNAB’s five questions—and including your family member in the conversation as appropriate—is critical.

6. Give every dollar a job.
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   When life throws you a retirement curve ball, the YNAB Method shines. By assigning every dollar a job, you’ll know exactly what your money can (and can’t) do for you—whether that’s covering new medical costs, setting aside for household help, or making space for those sanity-saving takeout nights.

   It’s not about guessing or hoping you’ll have enough; it’s about the confidence and freedom to show up for the people who need you. You might find that Mediterranean cruise can still fit right into your plan.

Two years later, Courtney is still waiting on that state aid. However, with the power of a feasible and flexible spending plan, things are going well. She wrote:

Adding an adult to our budget was harder than we thought. We had to adjust all our categories as they cost more, and needed bigger vehicles as a back seat in a small car does not fit a 40-year-old comfortably. We purchased a home after not planning to. Our savings decreased while spending increased and it’s taken a while to even back out. We have been able to bump my sister’s care from one day to four days a week, all on one income. We do get help, but we wouldn’t be able to do this without YNAB.

For many, the “third trimester of life” in retirement isn’t a postcard-perfect stretch of beaches and books; it’s full of surprises, inflation, higher cost of living, and unexpected responsibilities.

Most people spend retirement worrying about money when those surprises arrive. But it doesn’t have to be that way. With a flexible plan, you can move from reacting to life’s chaos to meeting it with clarity and confidence.

That’s exactly what YNAB is built for. No matter what curve balls come your way—whether it’s a move, a new responsibility, or a sudden shift in income—you’ll always know exactly what your money can do. You’ll stop worrying. You’ll start planning. And you’ll be ready for whatever (and whoever) comes next.

Worried about money in retirement? You are not alone. Download YNAB, get good with money, and never worry about money again.

YNAB IRL: Getting Good with Money Before Retirement

Poshi wrote to us about ditching money worry in time for retirement.

In five years, I went from trapped in a stressful job due to debt and fear to retiring fearlessly.
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I was so unhappy at my job—a job I used to love, but had changed so drastically for a number of reasons. Also, my wife needed more support from me than I could give while also working full-time. With all that said, I was financially terrified at the idea of retiring.
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I had been using YNAB for over a year, and was able to run reports to see how much money we really needed for our budget if my salary went away—especially if I wasn’t ready to start taking Social Security payments. While our financial advisor could run all kinds of scenarios for us, without YNAB we would not have been able to tell what our budget needs really were. I was able to retire in March, 2023—much, much sooner than I ever had thought.Since March, YNAB has helped me ensure that we stay on track and that I won’t have to go back to work!